Friday, October 23, 2009

time changes everything

How do you forgive someone who doesn't know they've hurt you? How do you move on from a place that has more or less been your home for years? A place that gave you irreplaceable friendships, many fond memory's, and through experience, taught you how to love others even when you don't agree with them.

The last few days have been full of questions like these. It's a hard thing to go through when you believe your doing the right thing, and are made the butt of a joke for doing so. Especially by those you trusted. I know my time at youth group hasn't been a waste. If for no other reason, because I've met some very amazing people, who are now some of my closest friends. I don't know what good I accomplished while being there. Having been mocked by the leaders for trying to do the right thing makes me wonder if I made a difference there at all. If my time and commitment meant anything. If it didn't, that's okay.

I really didn't want my time there to end this way. I didn't want to be another person who was hurt, and then left because of it. But I can't keep going and pretend that everything is okay. And I can't confront the issue without eventually being mocked for it. Maybe I'm being unfair and pathetic, but I'm aloud to be every once in a while....right?

Part of me hopes that they'll miss me. That it will matter just a little bit that I'm gone. But the rest of me knows it won't. The world keeps spinning. Life goes on.


6 comments:

Anna Kristine said...

Love...what happened? We seriously need to talk. You free tonight? You can even come over for a face to face chat if you want. But my room is a bit messy...just so ya know.
Love you....xxx

becks said...

*sigh* I'm sooo sad that I couldn't make it tonight. :( We most definitely must talk soon though. I feel awful that I was busy AGAIN. I miss talking every night till like 11. haha. Good times.

Anna Kristine said...

And reading Tom Sawyer...haha

Anna Kristine said...

Hey Becks...I was just listening to my ipod and this song came on and I thought of you. It made me think of what your going through right now and I thought it might encourage you. The words are amazing. Love you xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BE0zmRNOXk&feature=related

becks said...

I love that song. :) Thank you my good friend. <3

SisterlyLove said...

I'm absolutely sure that if they have any brains among them that they do miss you. You may not believe me but I do know how you feel sweets.
Love you! See you tomorrow.

Gen