time changes everything

How do you forgive someone who doesn't know they've hurt you? How do you move on from a place that has more or less been your home for years? A place that gave you irreplaceable friendships, many fond memory's, and through experience, taught you how to love others even when you don't agree with them.

The last few days have been full of questions like these. It's a hard thing to go through when you believe your doing the right thing, and are made the butt of a joke for doing so. Especially by those you trusted. I know my time at youth group hasn't been a waste. If for no other reason, because I've met some very amazing people, who are now some of my closest friends. I don't know what good I accomplished while being there. Having been mocked by the leaders for trying to do the right thing makes me wonder if I made a difference there at all. If my time and commitment meant anything. If it didn't, that's okay.

I really didn't want my time there to end this way. I didn't want to be another person who was hurt, and then left because of it. But I can't keep going and pretend that everything is okay. And I can't confront the issue without eventually being mocked for it. Maybe I'm being unfair and pathetic, but I'm aloud to be every once in a while....right?

Part of me hopes that they'll miss me. That it will matter just a little bit that I'm gone. But the rest of me knows it won't. The world keeps spinning. Life goes on.

favorite song right now

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone that could save
If they don't put me away
It’ll be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night is hard to get through

And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won’t know anyone

Well, Jesus Christ, I’m alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Because this problem's gonna last
More than the weekend

Well, Jesus Christ I’m not scared to die
I’m a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot
Do I float through the ceiling

Do I divide and fall apart
Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
This ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?

I know you'll come in the night like a thief
But I’ve had some time alone to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I’m someone you can trust
But I’m scared I’ll get scared and I swear I’ll try to nail you back up
(everyone now)
So do you think that we could work out a psalm
So I’ll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try
I know you'll come for the people like me
But we all got wood and nails,
And talk dirt at hating factories
But, we all got wood and nails
And talk dirt at hating factories
Yeah, we all got wood and nails
And we sleep inside of this machine